analytics, part 2

I recently remembered I had a google analytics account. I tend to forget and leave it quietly ticking away to itself for months on end--partly because very few people read my writing, and partly because I still don't really understand what half of its data means. I check in, check that the usual states and countries have lit up, smile to myself, then log out and ignore it for another quarter. If I were trying to make money or promote something aside from my currently-useless résumé perhaps I would pay closer attention to it, but for now and for my needs it's little more than a nifty piece of technology.

There is something delightful, though, about clicking through the maps and playing "guess which friend read this month" based on the cities their IPs are routed through. Some are easy, some are bizarre. I tend to get a lot of accidental pageviews from India and former Soviet states, and my "motivated self-starter" posting from three years ago is actually the top entry if you Google the phrase. (I wonder how many HR recruiters stumble across That in an average month.) But the little orange dots over my friends' and family's towns generally account for the lengthiest site visits, a fact that both fills me with a funny sentimental pride and keeps me on my guard about writing anything too obnoxious or controversial. Based on the US data set I don't think my grandmother knows my URL, which can only be a good thing. It is amusingly helpful that everyone I know lives in different states. As long as Arkansas stays blank I think I'm safe (unless it's routed through Honolulu, or grandma secretly gets my postings printed off in Georgia and has them mailed to her.) None of my really controversial, deranged-sounding sentiments ever make it out of my living room, which is probably why I'm still employable.

The whole point I guess I can't avoid making is that I know at least someone is reading, but comments are rare. If you formulate an opinion about what I write, even if it's "damn you stupid" or "wow, that's offensive" please let me know. I'm slowly losing my mind worrying and waiting for UKBA to let me stay in England (they're trying to do away with the type of visa I qualify under--something I'm completely helpless against) and the opportunity to get into a heated, research-driven debate with someone over an inconsistency, prejudice, or other shortcoming in my discourse would do wonders to distract me from my current hand-wringing.

Speaking of which, I found out this weekend that a bat-shaped puppet Boy and I gave to his mother for her birthday has been introduced to her first graders as Ukba, winged guardian of the British Isles (may he grant asylum to the meek and cast out law-evaders with his golden trident). As many of her students' families are from overseas she restrained herself from adding "and if you're naughty, he'll send you home!" but she came close. That made my day.