Quotation Book--Freshman Year USC

Excuse-moi, madame, mais les professeurs de français ne sont permis dans le fleuve.
-me, to Mme. Love, french teacher

Man, I wanna talk that funny talk.
-David Short (sister's ex-boyfriend)

HYATT!!
-Kara Gabaurer (pronounced similarly to "what") HS graduation Disneyworld trip

KNUT!
-another catch phrase from Disneyworld trip, as Knut was the hottest waiter...ever

That's an exit, not an entrance...don't come in there...please get out of the way...thank you for ignoring me...
-me, lifeguarding at Carowinds

Rather than go through the work of making it, I just take all the raw ingredients...and eat them.
-Josh Myers

Carowinds needs to change its motto from 'Creating Funtastic Experiences that Bring You Back' to 'Carowinds...where' there's always a Catch.'
-Josh Myers

I've got...2 chickens to paralyze/ we can...pack a bag of leaves tonight...
-John Boy and Billy (radio personalities)

Bands that are driven by beauty are musicians. Bands that are driven by competition are children.
-me

Who am I kidding? I need more work than an '83 Datsun.
-Josh Myers

I'd be the coolest opossum in the world.
-Josh Myers

That's about as hard for me to see as Josh having kids--i mean an afternoon in the garden and then a quick game of ball followed by a healthy dinner, then off to ride the bike into the sunset.
-Ginny Holloway (high school friend)

It's sad but true--you are a product of white-bread middle-America. 
-Dad

"Larceny?" "Tonight?"
-Puck (uni friend), me

Miz Josch, I know you don't have an alarm clock, now...
-Flaming Dan (uni friend)

"So, why are you taking American history?" "Because you don't have much of it!"
-me, Ed Robinson (UKC exchange student to USC)

Yeah, that's what my mum tells me!
-Ed's response to just about anything

He was lookin' about as happy as a possum with a sweet potato.
-Brandon Barbee (uni friend)

"Hey look Ed--Cumsluts 5!" "Oh, 3 was brilliant."
-Brandon Barbee, Ed Robinson

"I'm writing a paper on the Sophists in Ancient Greece." "Yeah, their first album "Walking Around Barefoot in the Sand" was pretty good, but the critics thought they sold out."
-me, Josh Myers

It is said that it takes 5 minutes to smoke a cigarette and 10 minutes to enjoy one. We suggest that you smoke one.
-Amtrak announcement

I tried to put the top up, but something was wrong with the motor. The generator light had been on, fiery red, ever since I'd driven the thing into Lake Mead on a water test.
-Hunter S. Thompson, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. p.196

Why [bathe]? I was going to give you a stinky surprise.
-Josh Myers

That makes me smile in my pants.
-Brandon Barbee

I like Kittens. Meow meow meow. Meatball sandwich.
-Josh Myers

"I love Paris in the springtime." "I hate Jersey in the rain..."
-Tom Aspinwall (uni friend), me

It is generally a good idea to keep a fire extinguisher next to your computer when it runs on coal.
-Josh Myers

You'll have to excuse him--he's northern.
-Erica from University 101

Spontaneous Dance Party!
-Puck, on the Preston front porch

You keep on going on like you're beautiful. You're not beautiful--you're fucking ugly!
-Prof. Nikola Ristic (Philosophy 102)

One step ahead, several feet below.
-me

I'm pretty sure Hell has fluorescent lighting.
-me

It's obvious God has a sense of humour--just look at the Platypus!
-Dogma

Let me tell you--that was like doing laundry. It's not enjoyable, you never think its going to end, but when you're done, you're too tired to enjoy yourself.
-Josh Myers

See me after the show. I want to give you my old flogger.
-scary Rennie (name obliterated from memory)

"You're getting passionate about a moot issue. Leave the passion in the bedroom." "I'm just sayin. . .rreeeoowwww!"
-me, Josh Myers

I do my best...which is mediocre, at best.
-Josh Myers

Dammit. I'm naked. I just put these pants on--i've just been. Socks. Just these socks. I'm naked, I'm drunk, I'm so...Dammit, I'm naked!
-Josch Nasrollahi (uni friend) who was, indeed, naked

If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to be a horrible warning.
-relayed by Sister

Go, Go, Gadget Furnace!
-Josh Myers

USC Berkeley is home to the single most densely concentrated population of geniuses in the country.
-Aunt Jan

The only thing I need to make you even more embarrassed of me is a yo-yo.
-Josh Myers

"This sounds...broken." -mom
"Yeah--I, er, dropped it. . . 14 times." -me
"Once or twice--that might have been an accident. But 14 times...yeah, I did it on purpose." -Rachel

"Wow, Kristen--this is cool!"-mom
"Did I buy it?"-me

Remember, Ladies--its Procreation, not Recreation. Where did you all get the idea that S-E-X is supposed to be F-U-N? It's time to close your eyes and do your duty.
-L.A.W (Ladies Against Women)

You're nobody until you're Mrs. Somebody.
-L.A.W.

Love creates survivors--I am never broken.
-relayed by Ginni Melton (freshman roommate)

It's a sad, sad world when a girl will break a boy just because she can.
-Fiona Apple

Single women complain that all the good men are taken while married women complain about their lazy husbands. This confirms that there is no such thing as a good man.
-no idea

Sexual in-yo-end, ho!
-Grant Robertson (uni friend)