Quotation Book--Soph. Year USC

"Wings? I don't have wings." "Of course not--you're a boy."
-Jen and Kira from Jim Henson's The Dark Crystal

You say "erbs" and we say "herbs"--because there's a fucking H in it.
-Eddie Izzard, Dress to Kill

Thank you for flying Church of England--Cake or Death?
-Eddie Izzard, Dress to Kill

. . .and everybody looked at me like I had just announced that the Queen Mum was a good lay.
-Matt Whalen (close friend)

Only two things are infinite--the universe and man's stupidity. And i'm not sure about the former.
-Albert Einstein

It's not worth an intelligent man's time to be in the majority. By definition, there are already enough people to do that.
-G. H. Hardy

One man that has a mind and knows it can always beat ten men who haven't and don't.
-George Bernard Shaw, The Apple Cart. act 1.

My entire life is a freudian slip.
-Josh Myers

This isn't Zelda--you can't just take shit.
-Kate Cullen (uni friend)

Oh, this is so good it Has to be fattening.
-Stewie, Family Guy

I'm a friendly, happy bitch.
-Melissa from Preston

You have just received the Amish computer virus. Since the Amish don't have computers, it is based on the honour system. So please delete all the files from your computer. Thank you.
-sent to me by Justin Moody (uni friend)

Granted, it's disappointing, but nobody should be surprised that the grown-ups change the rules right when we start to like the game.
-me

Hey, I'm always the life of the pity-party.
-Josh Myers

Bifocals--eyewear for the sexually liberated.
-Dad

He's my chia pet--except his hair is falling out instead of growing in.
-Marianne Parrish (uni friend, roommate)

For a while there it felt like I was in the Arctic with a grappling hook made out of molten lava lodged in my throat as Satan himself was pulling on it in an attempt to climb my body.
-Josh Myers (with a temperature of 103)

I'm like a rabbit.
-Anna from Preston

Well, it's a really Little dishwasher...
-overheard at dinner

Pirates of the Caribbean: Unfortunately, this box-office winner clears the way for other theme park-based movies, including Six Flags Log Flume and Dorney Park and Wildwater Kingdom's Jumpin' Jack Splash.
-MAD magazine (commentary on '04 Oscars)

That feels good? Stop. That tastes good? Spit it out.
-Jillian Odom (uni friend)

...and then you take a wrench and pry this open--its pretty tough--or you can just do it with your bare hands. that works too.
-me, to John (uni friend) at work

"But that just can't work!" "But it's a diagram--it doesn't have to work." "Well maybe I don't believe in diagrams."
-me, Eric Rouse (boss in the shop, rigging teacher)